SLOP.EXPRESS

Breaking News • Shocking Stories • Unbelievable Headlines

both sides r bad actually no wait ACTUALLY one side is worse and here's why

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Stephen Miller got doxed on all those straight up Nazi forums and writing Nazi fan fic. The books about our president saying the N word. The multip...

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moderate voters don't real, only base mobilization matters

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Catering towards moderate Republicans is how Democrats keep losing elections. I think there‘s this misconception that with shifting results there‘s th...

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concerned redditor prescribes therapy like it's advil

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Yeah, you’re obsessing about the renovations because they’re the only thing in your control… we know… Therapy, dude. Like yesterday. Or a trusted, c...

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moral foundations speedrun destroyed in one administration

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Everything I understood about morality, common sense, fairness, and people having good judgment have all been completely unravelled with Trump.. ever...

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Reddit's couples therapy cure-all nearly kills abuse victims

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It happens all the time still in smaller ways. Go on the wrong subreddit asking if telltale signs of abuse are abuse and you'll get told they are the ...

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seltzer water colonoscopy disaster: the toilet fizzed

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The only discomfort is the prep lol. Protip and I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH: When you hit the stage of "only water" in your colonoscopy prep, THIS DO...

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insurance denies preventive care while dad's CRC ghost lurks

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My doctor is aware my dad died from CRC diagnosed when he was early 50s but she still says I should start screening at 40. I'm 34 now. My insurance wo...

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armchair psychology blames Jake's parenting on comic deaths nobody asked for

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Jake most likely hates Lo'ak because he reminds him of himself, especially how he used to be. Jake clearly favors Neteyam, and plays favorites. You se...

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boomer discovers correlation isn't causation, still mad anyway

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It always would have expanded with the greater availability and affordability of computers… social media isnt a demon created solely by smartphones it...

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polycule apologist writes dissertation on why STD jokes are basically homophobic

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Could I ask for clarification on 10 not being incendiary and worthy of removal? Every single other one I can sorta get (okay, 9 not being considered i...

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repetitive where's meets activism: a fever dream of ellipses and concern

where where where is the voice of the mainstream media - these young innocent lives matter

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pseudoscience vertebrae audit: why we're allegedly 9 bones short of death

There are 7 cervical, 12 thoracic, and 5 lumbar vertebrae... Quick math puts us about 9 vertebrae short of 33. Unless they are counting the fuses bone...

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humans as planetary capacitors: a fever dream with a coolface

The planet is healing its self like it always does it is alive just like all living things we all produce a current which attaches it self to the magn...

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boomer Facebook post invoking God against society's vague spiritual illness

Sick people everywhere! Sick in mind, heart and soul! Sick in actions and ideas! God save us from all their bad!

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Angry boomer discovers caps lock and ancestral shame

Get off yer knees ya pathetic bootlicking clown. Honour yer ancestors

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Karen escalates dress code grievance to UN-level formality review

I’m beyond livid. I will be requesting a full review of acceptable attire to public events.

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medical violence fantasy but make it cursed

She requires an enema followed up quickly by a frontal labotomy.

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political ennui meets vague nostalgia, zero specifics included

I really don't care what these people think of me anymore. I just want my country back.

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someone's having a normal one

You're really obnoxious. I’m not going to talk to you

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misogynistic fever dream ft. spelling errors and zero self-awareness

How long until these hoes go away and stop poluting weak women's minds?

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pepper spray manifesto written by someone having a stroke

I keep saying this if this lady saw this coming and she had a peper spray she would stop the shirt head make peper spray legal now

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raccoon in a gutter is somehow peak web design discourse

This is art, in the way a raccoon eating spaghetti in a rain gutter is art. And now that I’ve seen that icon — the little trash panda perched inside t...

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guy wants authenticity in the worst possible way

Man we need to bring back REAL WHORES this is too performative for me

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musk bad, platform worse, logic nonexistent

like for the nazi and rape stuff.. kinda like x since musk took over

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internet invented a fruity thesaurus to say the quiet part loud

Censorship can be effected on the basis of not just the words typed out as text in the video or the caption, but what is spoken out loud or visually d...

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guy takes 30g of weakness, becomes push-up machine for 3 years

i did a heroic dose once in the morning on a empty stomach, 30 grams.. it reflected my weakness, huge lack of discipline and all that comes with it. i...

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Joyless forum mod discovers humor exists, finds it deeply offensive

Please don’t post anymore memes. This isn’t even remotely funny or interesting

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people-pleaser discovers affair is worse PR move than expected

I found the fall from grace incredibly hard to deal with. I can’t bear not to be liked. Then I had an affair and overnight turned into this awful pers...

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Boomer discovers profanity exists, demands 'better writing' as solution

Not impressed with the first episode. Countless uses if the F-word does not help. I know she's frustrated, scared, and angry, but better writing and a...

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man theorizes about wealthy guy's printer-based intimacy, mentions snorkel wife

So.. is he a weirdo with a printer? Or is this man busting all over his phone and recording it with a burner phone? Pretty sure I would destroy a phon...

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skin crawling complaint with zero context or justification

You literally make my skin crawl

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Unhinged money rant casually diagnoses billionaires as psychopaths

I've absolutely no interest in hoarding a massive amount of money, it seems only psychopaths do. Yes they do all seem like losers, you think Wibbs liv...

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woke up with mystery claw marks; either haunted or just a feral sleep issue

I couldn’t breathe. So I get up, I stand in the doorway of our bedroom, and I’m like, wow, I’m dying… I had this horrible pain underneath my arms, lik...

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toxic insecurity disguised as roast attempt, grammar error included free

No one thinks you're attractive... The mirror is lying to you. To bad your mother wasn't a lesbian. Could've saved the birth for someone that mattered...

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touching grass speedrun: any% (failed)

You are extremely wrong. I’m a lesbian I only date high femmes and a lot of us do so you’re about like 30 years behind with this stupid homophobic pos...

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man becomes emotionally dependent on weather reports for boats he'll never own

OK - that's me switching off the shipping forecast. I mean, I don't have a boat, but I've come to rely on it.

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nude gym etiquette manifesto uses increasingly unhinged euphemisms

i’ve never understood how it ever became standard fare in changerooms to be kitty-on-display but that’s completely taboo everywhere else. if it’s not ...

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concerned citizen discovers bioweapon primates, proceeds to lose it

Why the fuck are there biological warfare monkeys running around or traveling anywhere?

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MSM won't tell you, but I will... vaguely

And since the media won’t tell you, here’s what’s really going on.

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Andrew hits rock bottom, discovers the real filth beneath

Yep It’s a deep perverted well. Andrew has just risen to the top as pond scum -the real filth layer is down deep

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man discovers pillow, reinvents $50 product with bedroom philosophy

these stupid things are 50 bucks on amazon.. I don't know if it's worth it our girls can do that position without the pillow, obviously. Or just take...

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QAnon energy: everyone's a victim of mind control except me, probably

Dont hate these people, you couldve become them given the right environment and conditioning, feel sorry for them and hope they wake up, theyre victim...

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climate anxiety speedrun: taxes + bugs = world saved (unironically)

Yay we're saving the world. Gonna tell my grandkids I saved the world by being taxed to death and eating bugs.

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man yells at cloud (but it's twitter)

Exactly. Fucking twitter... Fucking whores. God damnit

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sovereign citizen discovers fonts exist, declares war on judiciary

There it is in plain English. We are not going to follow orders from judges. The law is what we think it is...

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Boomer energy: 'wait til ur old' is peak wisdom

Your bio says you are 25 years old. Just wait until you are in your 70s. You are in for a very rude awakening.

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mad person accuses you of being mad, very productive

What is their offense exactly? Your childish attitude has me confused.

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angry person discovers insults exist, shocks nobody

You illiterate bastard, if only you could admit what is happening to this country, you would understand his politics, fucking numpty.

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