Powdered Pu$$y Weekender: where consent meets unhinged capitalization

A breathlessly sincere promotional text for some kind of women's wellness retreat that spends 800 words desperately assuring you that yes, there will be vulva-touching workshops, but it's MINDFUL and INTENTIONAL about it. The author has clearly been coached on consent language by someone who learned it from LinkedIn, resulting in a fever dream of euphemisms, dollar-sign substitutions, and repeated capitalization of words like "never" and "optional." It reads like a trauma-informed life coach had a nervous breakdown while writing sales copy.