Copypasta news feed where every paragraph contradicts the last

Breaking: J6 rioters pardoned. Breaking: Trump renames Gulf of Mexico. Breaking: secret war plans sent to journalist in group chat. Breaking: tariffs crash stock market. Breaking: tariffs paused. Breaking: Epstein files to be released. Breaking: Epstein files weren't released. Breaking: Epstein files don't exist. Breaking: Epstein prison video released with missing minute. Breaking: Prison video found to be edited. Breaking: Missing minute released, shows person walking in prison. Breaking: Trump sends military to US cities. Breaking: Epstein files are a democrat hoax. Breaking: Trump sends black hawk helicopters to Chicago. Breaking: Trump threatens to invade Greenland. Breaking: Trump threatens Canada. Breaking: Trump threatens NATO. Breaking: Iran military targets struck. Breaking: Trump suggests running in 2028. Breaking: Vaccine schedule rolled back. Breaking: Republicans go on recess and block release of Epstein files. Breaking: Trump pardons crypto billionaire. Breaking: Trump receives billions in crypto investment. Breaking: Some republicans side with democrats to release Epstein files. Breaking: Trump fires BLS commissioner after bad economic data. Breaking: Trump admin refuses to release jobs report numbers. Breaking: Trump pardons Honduran president for drug trafficking. Breaking: Trump issues military strikes on boats in Venezuela for drug trafficking. Breaking: Deadline for releasing all Epstein files missed. Breaking: Trump all over the 1% of Epstein files released. Breaking: Files containing Trump deleted from Epstein archive. Breaking: Trump commandeers Venezuelan oil tankers. Breaking: Trump invades Venezuela. Breaking: Trump drafting plans to invade Greenland. Breaking: ICE agent kills US citizen. Breaking: Trump admin releases false report about killed US citizen. Breaking: Protests erupt around US. Breaking...