Rich guy achieves ultimate biological reset, becomes reproductive cells

The Onion perfectly distills the unhinged energy of billionaire life-extension obsession by imagining one ultra-wealthy individual literally reverse-engineering his entire existence into sperm and egg. Paired with what appears to be genuinely scientific imagery, it's the kind of satirical horror that makes you laugh at both the absurdity and the uncomfortable grain of truth buried underneath. This is peak Onion material: weaponizing biology against Silicon Valley delusion.