man legally named Santa Claus arrested in child exploitation sting, universe confirms it hates irony

A 75-year-old who made the executive decision to legally change his name to Santa Claus got swept up in a child predator sting operation, creating a perfect storm of worst-possible-name-for-the-crime energy. The universe apparently has a sense of timing so dark it makes conspiracy theorists look optimistic. This is what happens when someone's life becomes a write-only file of terrible decisions.