Peak wellness: scanning morning wood with a dollar store thermometer

A shirtless, muscular man wearing a baseball cap flexes while pointing a fake medical scanner device at a whiteboard in a kitchen. The whiteboard contains an absurd pseudo-scientific 'morning wood diagnosis protocol' with crude illustrations of organs and question marks. Surrounded by supplements, protein powder, and a blender, he appears to be roleplaying as a self-proclaimed biohacker conducting ridiculous morning health diagnostics. Extracted text: MORNING-WOOD MANIFESTO: SELF-DIAGNOSIS PROTOCOL ?? ?? ?? ?? SYMPTOM-SCAN 3000 • URINE HUE = HYDRATION GAUGE • TEXTURE = TOXIN LEVELS? • DIRECTION OF ERECTION = DIGESTIVE DISARRAY