Sun has a breakdown, celestial bodies cheat, physics community reacts with heartbreak

A chaotic tabloid-style parody magazine cover featuring an anthropomorphic crying sun wearing sunglasses as the centerpiece, surrounded by figures swinging from golden vines across a starry background. The layout mimics celebrity gossip tabloids with sensationalized headlines about celestial bodies cheating, orbital drama, and cosmic relationship scandals, complete with garish colors (orange, yellow, deep blue) and deliberately misspelled text. Extracted text: THE CELESTVAL ENQUIRER FLAME FAILURES 7 IS YOU! FLAME 7 SIGNS YOUR STAR BURNING OUT CELESTIAL CHEATING COUPLE! ASTEROID AMEATING CRUSNET SOLAR SIBLINGS SCANDAL: SUN GODDESS SWINGS SECRET LOVERS? "MY ORBIT IS RUINED!" HE CRIES ACLLETINAL CHEATING CRUSHES COMET COUPLE! GRAVITY GUILT? AR THESE SWINGERS OF DYING PHYSICS AND FAITH? FLIDE ZIVER STAR NES POICKE MOON'S MELDDON? "THEY STOLE MY SPOTLIGHT" H'R