Spain's emergency light mandate summons three types of morons simultaneously

The V16 Emergency Light: Panic Buying, Temu Specials & Government Satellites (Apparently) Spain announces a new rule and, like clockwork, the nation splits neatly into three groups. First, the sensible lot. They read roughly what’s required, nod quietly, and think, I’ll deal with that at some point this year. Calm. Reasonable. Rare. Second, the panic buyers. These are the people who hear “mandatory from 1st January 2026” and immediately order the cheapest V16 emergency light they can find at 2am from Temu, AliExpress, or a bloke on Facebook Marketplace whose profile picture is a cartoon lion. €4.99. Free shipping. No instructions. No certification. Arrives smelling faintly of plastic regret. They proudly chuck it in the glove box and declare themselves sorted. Fast forward a bit and it turns out—shockingly—that the bargain-basement flashing orange UFO they bought is about as legal as driving in flip-flops while texting and eating a bocadillo. Not DGT approved. No connectivity. Basically a rave light with ambitions. Cue outrage. “How was I supposed to know?” Well… possibly by reading literally any official information. But never mind. Then we have Group Three. The Conspiracy Crowd. These lads are furious. According to Facebook, WhatsApp groups, and a bloke called Gary who “used to work in IT,” the V16 light isn’t about safety at all. Oh no. It’s clearly a government tracking device. A sinister plot. Big Brother with a flashing amber beacon. Apparently, the moment you activate it on the hard shoulder, a satellite locks onto your exact location, your car, your haircut, your browsing history, and that dodgy MOT from 2018. Next thing you know, Pedro Sánchez is personally watching you change a tyre. Never mind that your smartphone has been doing this for the last ten years. That’s different. That’s fine. But a little orange light? Absolutely not. You’ll see posts like: “I’m not having the government tracking me.” Usually written on Facebook. From a phone. With location services on. Tagged at Mercadona. The irony is breathtaking. Meanwhile, back in the real world, the actual point of the V16 light is painfully boring: you break down, you stay inside the car, you don’t get flattened by a lorry at night. That’s it. No drones. No secret dossiers. No dramatic music. But that won’t stop people. Come January 2026, there’ll be glove boxes full of illegal lights, confused expats waving glowing orange novelties at passing Guardia Civil, and at least one bloke insisting, loudly, that he refuses to be tracked while standing directly under a CCTV camera. Spain doesn’t need to spy on you, mate. It already knows you can’t park properly.