Agriculture Secretary confidently denies flesh-eating parasite while it devours country

A government official manages to invoke a catastrophic pest infestation in the same breath as assuring everyone it won't happen, achieving a level of dramatic irony usually reserved for Greek tragedy. The screwworm—literally a parasite that eats living flesh—made its triumphant return to American soil after six decades, apparently motivated by budget cuts to the very program designed to keep it out. This is what happens when confidence meets paperwork elimination: you get vintage pre-disaster government posturing, complete with that distinctive 'we're on top of it' energy that historically precedes absolute chaos.