Night Before Christmas but make it unhinged political fanfic with phonetic dialect

“Twas night before Kreesmas, you must be best, Don-ald blow up drug boats, he ace cogniteeve test, He round up ee-legals, dey everyvere, Santa check Epstein list, Don-ald shout “FAKE NEWS, I not dere!” Merry Kreesmas to all, Don-ald end 12 vars toonight.”